She eloped with her first boyfriend at the age of 18. They got married. But after 24 years of marriage, he left her with a younger woman.
Hilda (not her real name) is fifty-nine years old. The other woman is thirty. She has three children, the other has one. And one of the things they have in common? They have the same husband.
But unlike in movies, Hilda never confronted the woman nor made a fool out of her spouse. And although it was quite impossible to remain decent at a certain situation, she never said a word to anyone, not to her family, and never to her children.
“ Lahi ang pagka-martyr sa sakripisyo. Nisakripisyo ko kay naa ko’y mga anak,” says she.
Upon learning about her husband’s betrayal nine years ago, Hilda did not make a drastic decision of a marital separation. In fact, a legal separation never occurred even up to the moment. Her husband, who is working at Zamboanga City as a chief mechanic thought his secret is safe. He gives money for his family in Cebu and he just goes home once or twice a year. Never did he realize that it was in fact her mistress who called Hilda and told her about his infidelity.
“Nagpriso ko sa akong kaugalingon sa kwarto. Akong gibitad akong mga buhok. Nabuang ko kadali kay wa ko magtuo nga iya tong mabuhat,” Hilda confessed.
And that was just the start of her suffering. Her husband was not anymore the good provider that he used to be. The money that he sends to his family became lesser that it was not even enough to support their basic needs. So Hilda had to find ways not to make her children feel abandoned. She put up a small sari-sari store and as early as 3 am, Hilda is already up making coffees, which she sells at P6 per cup. And her husband? He just gives whenever he remembers that he still has a family in Cebu.
Republic Act 9262 or the Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004 that defines psychological violence as acts or omissions causing to mental or emotional suffering of a victim ..and unwanted deprivation of the right to custody and visitation of children, creates a ground for Hilda to file a case against her husband giving him a penalty of six to twelve years of imprisonment. But Hilda conceded. .
“Maot ang resulta sa akong mga anak. Dili ko ganahan nga mas murebelde sila sa ako,” explains Hilda.
Her children eventually learned about their father’s unfaithfulness, which caused his eldest and second son not to finish college. Hilda’s youngest daughter though, graduated in Nursing and is now helping Hilda in their daily living. She too just conceived a child without a father.
However, despite the pain and trials, Hilda believes that she has successfully raised her children and lived her life through God’s help.
“Sa taas ra jud ko magkuha og kusog,” Hilda says.
According to her, problems become smaller and less stressful if you have a big God.
“I thought nga di ko kabuhi sa akong mga anak. Karon kabalo ko nga bisag wala ko’y bana, makaya nako,” says Hilda.
Hilda and her husband are still married at the moment. He goes home once in a blue moon not to give money to Hilda, but to ask for help to his first family because he himself is not anymore capable of providing the needs of his second family. At 59, he still has to raise a grade school child. And with that, Hilda just knew that she has won the battle.
The notion of a man leaving his wife for younger a woman is as old as Christmas itself. However, such case has been very rampant for the past years that it does not just involve the marital breakdown between couples but also the issues of child custody and the need for women empowerment.
According to the University of the Philippines High School Guidance Counselor, Annabelle Maglasang, cases of infidelity among married couples, opens up a door for women to become fully aware of their rights and privileges of being a wife and a mother.
“If the marriage does not work and the infidelity of your husband is proven to be true, then break it up. It is your right. Be psychologically sane. Never be a martyr,’’ says she.
She said that the problem becomes more complicated if the couple stays together in the same roof because their children will see them fighting all the time, which may traumatize the children in the future.
Also, she stressed that a woman should have to have her own career because it is most difficult to let go of a marriage if she is economically and emotionally dependent to her husband. It is but a fulfilling feeling to know that a woman is capable of living her life without the shadow of her spouse.
Maglasang also stated the reason why men commit infidelity.
“Men tend to find other women because they get bored with the usual viand. They look for a more palatable food, something fresh,” says she.
We can’t just directly blame men for leaving their wives without taking a deeper level of understanding on why, in the first place, they committed such act. A man may leave his wife because she has no time for him anymore or the energy that they used to have becomes a dead battery- lifeless. The same is true with women’s infidelity. It takes two to make a relationship work so each party is expected to do their part.
Hilda admitted that her husband has needs which she could not anymore provide because she has been too busy being a mother. However, she still believes that no matter what the consequences are, a good husband will always be faithful to his wife.
Attribution:
- Photo by: Atty.Robert A. Gleaner, PC
No comments:
Post a Comment